Week Three: Rage

I’ve left the hospital and started to consult other doctors on possibilities to return my thumb to default.
As I came to see yet another specialist, things started to get grim.

The stitches were removed, but my thumb was still heavily swollen. Blood and lymph kept dripping of the finger tip from time to time, so I went to polyclinics to get my bandage changed every other day. Several traumatologists, surgeons and nurses were on duty during this period, so I had a chance to hear different opinions.
To my astonishment, the opinions didn’t differ much. There was an unvoiced, but perceivable agreement that I just ask too much. My amputation was really a minor one, only about 1-1.5cm missing, so… No reason for complaining, I guess.
I should’ve been glad, I suppose, that it was minor. And that desire to get back to normal, to the default – that’s just a caprice. Some kind of delusion. It’ll pass by itself, nothing to worry about.
So most doctors saw no indication for my wish to get default. The last nail in the coffin was one of the nurses confession that her husband has a similar injury, and removes the remains of his nail so it doesn’t bother him. Probably that nailess sewn up sausage is okay with him.
Three weeks after amputation
I had enough.
I started a thorough internet investigation on finger restoration. However, the more I searched, the more angry I became.
It turned out that you may enlarge practically anything: your penis, breasts, lips… But you couldn’t enlarge your finger. So if you’re unsatisfied with default sizes of your penis or breasts, that’s okay and socially acceptable to enlarge them. But if you’re an injured victim, you won’t be able to get your thumb size back to default.
There was no explanation given why not using the same techniques to help people restore the shape and form of their lost fingers. Rage went all over me.
I couldn’t be enraged for long though, as any stress immediately fired back in the lost finger tip as dull, sucking pain.
Only option left was to hope that the thumb will magically regrow by itself.

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